I’m ethically nonmonogamous and ditched Tinder for a dating app geared to polyamorous people who understood my lifestyle more

I’m poly and have a nesting partner, and I’m open to dating.Kaylee Moser

  • I’m polyamorous and have a nesting partner.

  • I tried Tinder for dating but realized many users didn’t know what being poly meant.

  • Feeld is an app for people, like me, in alternative relationships and dating.

A few years ago, I decided to get back on dating apps. I had a solid nesting partner and felt like I had established my career enough to give dating another go. Like my first foray into the world of app dating, I downloaded Tinder and was immediately put off by it.

I made sure to clearly state in my profile that I was polyamorous with a nesting partner and looking for other ethically nonmonogamous people to see. Instead, I found that a lot of people not only didn’t read my profile but also didn’t even know what polyamory was.

I grew tired of explaining my relationship structures over and over to new people, who often said it wasn’t for them. Frustrated, I deleted my Tinder account and found myself wishing for a dating-app experience that catered to ethical non-monogamy.

Then I found Feeld, a dating app geared to couples and singles. While I was initially excited, I quickly learned that it still takes a lot of conversations to make sure everyone is on the same page.

Feeld makes dating for alternative relationship styles easier than mainstream apps

Feeld has a plethora of options when it comes to gender and sexuality preferences — including some I’ve never heard of, such as objectumsexual — and it’s more poly-friendly than most of the competition.

Like Tinder, it involves creating a profile with photos and a bio, then swiping left or right on potential matches.

In Feeld, I can choose to link my profile to a partner’s, which allows me to date as part of a couple. I don’t personally use this feature on my profile, but I appreciate that it exists since I’m trying to date couples. When I come across one half of a couple in a dating profile, I can easily check out their partner’s profile for a clearer idea of ​​who they each are as individuals.

My biggest complaint about this feature is that you can only link your profile to one partner, which limits how big your polycule can get.

Overall, the biggest draw for me is that I can write in my profile that I practice “kitchen-table polyamory” and have a “nesting partner,” and most people have at least a basic understanding of what that means.

Now, I spend less time explaining my setup and more time getting to know my matches.

Ethical non-monogamy has no predefined structure, so finding people to date takes a lot of communication

There are many different kinds of people on Feeld, such as the classic unicorn-hunting couple consisting of a straight man and a bisexual woman as well as genderfluid solo poly relationship anarchists.

Because ethical non-monogamy can be practiced in such different ways, I’ve found it critical to communicate with potential matches early on about expectations and desires.

The people I’ve had the most success with upon matching have been those who are polyamorous and open to making new connections, but aren’t necessarily searching for something specific. I like this because it takes the pressure off first dates to have chemistry or a sexual spark, and we can focus instead on getting to know each other.

I now have a great opening line that I learned from a recent match: “What does polyamory mean to you?” I like it because it’s an open-ended question that can give me insight into how this person views relationships in general and what they’re looking for.

Even among the ethically nonmonogamous community, the dating pool is vast, and the best way to find meaningful connections is to start with an open mind and communicate a lot.

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